No one will tell me so I am telling myself. I just did good on a call. A 10 y/o boy called crying hysterically, all I could understand was that his mom and dad were fighting and he didn't know his address. He went outside to look for it and hung up on me. He was calling from a cell phone so I had no way to trace the call. I called back and got no answer. I advised my watch deputy of the situation and she said we really couldn't do anything. I called back and he answered this time. He could tell me what street he lived on but not the house number. I got him to give me the license plate on the car out front, ran it and got an address. Minutes can seem like hours when I am on the phone with a call like that. He told me his dads name and asked if I knew him because he had a criminal record. He said last time his dad did this he knocked out his sisters teeth and the time before that he gave his mom a black eye. He was so scared. I stayed on the phone with him until we got units there. I did good.

October

I love October - it might be my favorite month.  One thing I really miss living in CA is a distinct change of seasons. 

The things I love about October - the feeling of fall in the air.  The crisp cool mornings and the warm afternoons.  The changing of the leaves.  The deer hunt.  You will understand that better if you grew up in Utah where the Friday before the deer hunt everyone wears orange and schools get out early and the Monday following the opening of the deer hunt is a state holiday.  It is having family from all over come home.  Everyone coming to Mom's for minestrone soup the night before the opening, getting up early and helping Dad make breakfast and sandwiches for everyone while Mom sleeps in.  Everyone in and out of the house from afternoon til night for a bowl of Mom's chili.  Waiting st see who gets a deer.  When I was a kid we played "deer hunt" in the yard every opening day waiting for the guys to come in from the hills.  Some of us were the deer, some were the hunters.  We had designated areas of "thicket" (even though I am sure none of us had an idea what that really was) that were designated safe for the deer and you couldn't be shot when  you were there.  Trundling each other all around the yard in the deer cart.  Once a deer was brought in, skinned and dressed we played with the feet, pulling on the ligaments to make the hoof move . . .

Once we started using a wood burning stove for heat I loved going to the mountains to cut wood.  When I lived at Hall's Crossing Bill and I would go to the Bears Ears for wood, it was always so cool up there, a nice change from the desert.  We would take fritos, bean dip and a soda with us and sit on the tail gate of the truck for a snack.  When we moved to Page we would go to Hatch and get wood with Mom and Dad.  On those trips Dad always had to take a can of vienna sausage and a pudding.  I not only loved getting the wood I enjoyed chopping it up when we got it home.

Who can mention October without thinking of Halloween?  When we were kids I remember walking around town trick or treating and some years it was so danged cold, but we still went out.  When I moved to Ogden I got into carving pumpkins and it is something I look forward to all year long.  The Halloween I enjoyed most was just a few years ago, my first here in CA.  We all dressed up and went to the Ward party.  I dressed up as a fat old man.  While Lisa and the kids went out trick or treating I sat on the porch in this big wooden chair, my head down, my hat covering my face with a bowl of candy on my lap.  I would sit very still when the kids approached, they couldn't decide if I was real or not.  The would slowly walk up to the porch and reach in to take a piece of candy and I would jump and growl at them.  Some screamed, some laughed and a few even cried.  I loved it!

I realized something tonite.  As long as I can be myself, be who I am, regardless of what others do or what is going on around me I will be OK.

I think this has been the summer of my discontent.  The first part of May I made a trip to Page and Hatch to visit with Bill and my family.  While I was there I loaded up the back of the truck with wood so we would have some for this winter.  When I got home I was unloading the wood.  I stepped down from the hearth and twisted my ankle.  I felt if pop and went down immediately.  I have had many sprained ankles and by morning I knew there was something different about this one so I went to the Dr.  He sent me into Santa Paula for x-rays, when I got back to his office the girls had made me an appointment with an orothopedic Dr. in Ventura.  I broke my 5th metatarsal and the fibula of my right foot/leg.  I was in a boot for several weeks.  One morning I was cleaning house (without my boot on) and I slipped on the wet floor and twisted my left knee hard.  I have already had 4 surgeries on that knee so I really cursed when I went down.  For quite a few days it was hard to tell which leg I was limping on.  I went back to the Dr. and in for more x-rays.  When he looked at them the Dr. told me I had quite a bit of arthritis in the knee and knee cap and wanted me to try some physical therapy.  He couldn't tell if the ligament had torn again from the x-ry.  I think it did because of how hard it twisted and how loose it still feels.  I start the physical therapy this week, I will see how that goes and if it doesn't tighten it up I will ask for an MRI.  I am determined not to give up doing the things I enjoy, such as golfing and hiking, even if it means I have to have a knee replacement.

By the end of July I was no longer limping and was thinking I was ready to try golf again.  We had planned a 4 day camping trip to Sequoia the first weekend in August.  I had 4 days off at schedule change and got an extra day off so we could get up there on a Thursday and get a camping spot.  Wednesday morning, August 1, we were loading the truck so we could leave early the next morning.  I was chopping up some wood for kindling.  I had one piece that needed just one more cut so I gave a mighty swing with the hatchet and cut the tip of my left forefinger off.  We went to urgent care to get the bleeding stopped and get it bandaged.  There was really nothing they could do other than cauterize it.  It is still pretty nasty looking and very tender, especially if I bump it on something.  Looking for something positive about this, I am fascinated at watching it heal.  I am surious to see how much of it will grow back.

So, I have spent the whole summer with one injury or another.  The girls at the clinic know me well and just shake their head when I come through the door.  We were both so looking forward to the trip to Sequoia and it was pretty much a downer when we had to just sit home for 5 days instead.  When these things happen I tend to feel foolish, and very old.  I don't know that age really has that much to do with it but I always seems to associate the two.  I have tried to console myself this last week or so that I get injured because I do things.  If I just sat home and didn't do anything I wouldn't be getting hurt, I try to tell myself this means I am living life instead of just watching it pass me by,

Valentines Date

I bought us tickets on the Murder Mystery Dinner train for Valentines.  Dinner was prime rib, we were both really looking forward to it.  We picked up our passes and were waiting to board the train when we realized it was set up as tables of 4, and we were likely the only gay couple signed up. I never even thought about it when I bought the tickets.  We live in a fairly conservative area and were a bit concerned about the reception we would get.  Our tablemates were a bit quiet as we sat down.  I finally introduced myself (something I almost never do) and that broke the ice a bit, the more they drank the chattier they became.  The murder mystery was set as a Love Boat theme.  The cast did an excellent job and we were really enjoying the evening when "Captain Starbucks" came to Lisa, took her hand, led her into the aisle and sang her a love song dedicated to her from me.  Everyone cheered, we blushed.  The captain came back in a bit and said he hoped he didn't embarrass me.  I told him it was all good.  He then asked me if we were married and I told him no.  He pcked up my left hand and looked at my ring and said "Get married."  So much for our concern.

 I have been off today and haven't done much of anything except my exercise, I am still in in exercise shorts and haven't even brushed my teeth, well, I did just water all my plants.  Both my Thanksgiving and Christmas cactus were loaded with blossoms this year and my geraniums bloom year round here.  I have seen poinsettias planted in someone yards that are taller than I am.  The weather here has been kind of freakishly warm, a couple of days we were close to 90.  That somehow seems wrong for January.  I have windows open on both ends of the house right now and there is a nice breeze blowing through.  We have even slept with the windows open a few nights.  Ken and Elaine are coming to visit for a few days the first weekend in February.  I hope some of this nice weather is around then.  They are flying in on Fri morning and back out on Mon afternoon.  It will be good to see them.

I am going to make an appointment next week for Murphy to have his teeth cleaned.  I think maybe he is having a hard time eating the dry cat food so we have increased his soft food by quite a bit.  They have to put him under to do it and that kind of scares me but I know he needs it done.  I suppose it would be like me not brushing my teeth for 11 years instead of just one morning.

We are trying to eat more healthy foods,  more whole grains, less sugars and starches.  I have started eating honey on my cereal in the mornings instead of sugar - I was kind of surprised at how good that is.  We needed more honey so we decided to make a trip to a honey farm that is just outside of town.  It was a very neat little place.  I think I tested at least 10 different kinds of honey and was surprised at how much difference there is to the taste of each kind, for this trip we settled on the orange blossom, the eucalyptus was pretty tasty and, or course, the clover.  What I really liked though is that they have this thing on the wall like a deep picture frame and it is a working bee hive.  There is a tunnel at the bottom that leads to the outside so the bees can come and go.  I think I could have watched that thing for hours.

I might have to go to court on February 7th on a shooting that happened here about 18 months ago, the same thing I had to go to LA for deposition on a few months ago.  I really hope they will settle outside of court or decide they don't need my testimony because I really, really don't want to go on the witness stand.  Things are going ok at work, they won't make a decision on the position I applied for in the pawn detail until March but I am pretty sure they had someone in mind when they posted the job.  There is another position open in the CPU (crime prevention unit) as kind of a community liaison but I am not interested in doing that.  I want something that will make my mind work and let me analyze and figure things out.  I really don't do all that well relating to people.  My favorite watch deputy retired the middle of last month.  She is just a couple years older than I am and also an animal lover, I miss working with her.  I am not sure who they are going to fill the spot with, no one seems to want it.  I wish they would hurry up and do it though so we can get them trained right :).

This menopause stuff is about to wear me out.  Too many ups and downs, sweating hot one minute then cold the next, mood swings, more depression than I am used to, no energy or motivation some days, it all makes me very tired.  I have an appointment with the Dr in a a week or so for a general check up.  I guess I need to start doing stuff like that more regularly.  It is hard to believe that come March I will have 2 sisters in their 60's.

We have been attending the Unitarian Universalist Chuch.  Every Sunday when the kids go out to go to their class we create a Bridge of Love for them to walk under and sing these words.

How could anyone ever tell you, you are anything less than beautiful?

How could anyone ever tell you, you were less than whole?

How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle?

How deeply you're connected to my soul.

The song touched me the first Sunday we attended.  This last Sunday as I was thinking about the words I realized this is something we should be singing to everyone from cradle to grave.

It has been very different for me to attend a Church where there are no prayers, no sacrament, none of the rituals I am used to.  There are rituals but they are non-denominational rituals.  The main focus seems to be on how we are all connected to each other - the word they use is "inter-dependent".  It has made me think about the purpose of organized religion.  Does every religion really have a different purpose?  I understand they all have a different belief system with some elements being shared among many religions - but isn't, or shouldn't, the main purpose to be to care for one another, to form a community of support and love?

I think I will always be a Mormon at heart but I am giving myself permission to try and fit into this new community that seems so welcoming and non-judgmental.