Day 12

Only lost .2 lbs yesterday. We talked it over this morning and decided we were done doing the drops. We will have 3 days of the 500 calorie diet while the HCG gets out of our system and then 3 weeks with no sugar or starches. In some ways I feel like a quitter but I am pretty much OK with ending it now. Even though it didn't play into our decision to stop, I am glad I will be back to a normal diet by the time I have my surgery. From the things I have read eating is going to be a chore for awhile as it is so I would like to have more of a variety to choose from.

From previous experience with botox injections I know that swallowing any kind of liquids without choking will really take some concentration for a few days. I remember the first botox shot I had Bill would make a barrier between us at breakfast with the cereal boxes because I was prone to choking and spitting my vitamins across the table as I was trying to take them. It did get easier after the first shot but even now I have trouble eating a juicy apple or orange without choking for a couple of weeks after the shot. I am hoping this surgery means the end of the botox shots.

Lisa started a part time job this week and it is really strange to have her gone during the day. I find myself wandering around wondering what to do. I guess maybe it's time to pick up some of my hobbies again.

Day 11

Only down .4 lbs this morning. I am wondering how much longer I can do this diet. The food choices are so limited. The things I make taste really good but I don't know how many more salads or how much more cabbage and celery I can eat. I am never ravenously hungry and I was thinking tonite that I would almost rather not eat than eat the same things over and over. I enjoy the fruit the most but I can only have 2 fruits a day. I guess it's one day at a time for now.

Day 10

We broke down and bought a digital scale so we could track our weight better. My weight this morning was 147.4. I am not sure of my exact starting weight but I am using 155. If I discount the 2 days of loading I have lost about a pound per day.

We do quite a bit of walking and I also try to get on the nordic track every few days. Intense exercise is kind of discouraged on this diet but I really don't want to lose my aerobic capacity. I haven't felt any ill effects from it so far. My pants might fit a bit looser but it isn't anything that is really noticeable.

Day 8

No weight loss for the last 2 days, no gain either. If there is no loss today then I am to have and apple and water day. 6 apples and water for a day and nothing else. I might give it an additional day. I enjoy my evening apple so much I kinda hate to ruin that by eating 6 in one day and getting burned out on them. Someone brought a whole box of grapefruit into the station last week so I snatched up 5 of them. I love my half a grapefruit in the morning.

I am enjoying cooking different things on this diet. It is a way I really haven't cooked before. Every time I make something I am a little hesitant to taste it for fear it will be yucky but it has all been at least edible so far and some of it downright delicious. Yesterday we saved all of our protein for our final meal and each had a decent sized steak for dinner. I have found you can make almost any cut of meat into a tender steak by rubbing each side with a kiwi fruit about 30 minutes before grilling it. Today we bought a bottom round roast at the store. I cut it into 3.5 oz portions, rubbed them with kiwi and Lisa grilled them while I used 2 portions to make us some chili for dinner.

I am rarely hungry on this diet, I am supposing it is the drops working as they should. One unexpected benefit is the fact that I am no longer tired during the day. I have been tired for so long that this is really strange for me. I almost don't know what to do with myself.

I have surgery on my vocal cords scheduled for Oct 19. I am pretty scared to do this. I want it to work so badly. I want to be able to just open my mouth and say my words without having to struggle. I enjoy my job so much more on my good voice days. Another thing that scares me is that I will no longer have the disorder to hide behind. I will no longer have an excuse not to talk to others or join in conversations. I have thought about approaching someone from the Ward here to give me a blessing before I go in. I am still undecided though, gonna have to think about that one a bit longer before I make a decision.

Diet Day 6

It's just wrong to come into work and have a package of chocolate oreos sitting here just begging to be eaten. I am realizing this battle is more of a mental battle than a physical one. It's not that I am outrageously hungy, it's just that I want to eat whether I am hungry or not. I love breads and its really hard to make toast for the birds in the morning and not get my little bite, I love chocolate and it seems like it is everywhere I turn. This may be the longest I have ever gone without chocolate. Even in my strictest eating days I allowed myself 6 M&M's a day. I reminded myself this morning this is a choice I am making, it isn't something I am being forced to do.

This morning I was down 6 lbs.

The HCG Diet - Day 5

We heard about this diet from Lisas brother at the family camping trip a few weeks ago. We debated and thought about it for quite awhile and finally decided to give it a try. In a nutshell, you take HCG drops daily and after 2 "loading days" where you get to eat anything you want you start on a 500 calorie a day eating plan. The HCG is supposed to release your bodies stored fat to be burned to make up for what you aren't eating. Weight loss should be between 15 - 20 lbs for the 23 days you are on the drops.

Today is day 3 of the 500 calorie diet and I am feeling pretty confident I can see it through. The first day I felt pretty confident, yesterday I didn't think there was any way I could do it. I weighed this morning and I believe I am down 4 lbs. It is kind of hard to say because our scales aren't the best, we should really have digital scales but they just aren't in the budget right now.

I am going to try and track results here in hopes that it will give me the motivation to see this through to the end.

There has been a little feel of fall in the air the last few days. That is a bit unusual here where there isn't a great deal of change in the seasons. For some reason the change of seasons is hard for me, it seems to bring on a depression or sorts. Almost a feeling of nostalgia for something I can't quite put my finger on. I have been doing my best to outrun the depression with exercise and it works pretty well for the most part. The days I start out with some good hard exercise are definitely easier than those I don't.

Fall has long been my favorite season. When I was a kid fall meant the deer hunting season - one of the highlight of the year. All the uncles and cousins would come home for the hunt. When we were too young to hunt we would play deer hunt in the front yard with some of us being hunters and some of us being deer. Certain places were designated at "thicket" and if you were a deer and could make it to the thicket you were safe. I am not sure any of us even knew what a thicket was, only that we had heard our Dads talk about losing a deer when it run into the thicket.

When I was 16 I was able to carry a gun for the first time. I went out with my Dad on opening morning and waited oon a hillside in the cold for the sun to come up. I killed a 4 point buck that morning, one shot to the neck. the next year I went out with my Dad and saw a big ole buck coming up over the hill and I tried to show Dad where it was and he said "Shoot it!" I said "I can't shoot it you shoot it" he said "I can't see it" - it ran over the hill and someone else shot it. That was the last time I carried a gun. I often went out with the guys to hunt but I never carried a gun.

When I was married fall was a time to go out and get wood for the wood burning stove. When we lived at Hall's Crossing on Lake Powell we used to go up to the Bears Ears to get wood. We would always take a bag of fritos and a can of bean dip and a couple of sodas. I loved it up there. When we moved to Page we would go to Utah to get wood with Mom and Dad. Dad never goes to cut wood without a can of vienna sausages and some snack pack pudding. I have lots of good memories - I have had a good life.