Nature fascinates me

I love nature. It constantly amazes me. I love to watch a spider build a web and wait for it's prey. I have several hummingbirds in my yard that are constantly flitting about, chasing each other from place to place. When I go to the beach I like to watch for little creatures as I walk in the surf. When I see the squirrel across the street carefully making his way across the powerline I wish he would come down and visit for a minute, let me touch him. It has been a new experience for me to watch the metamorphosis of our avocado tree. When we moved here in January it has fruit on it ready to pick. Towards spring time the leaves started to drop but it was different from what I am used to seeing. I never seen the leaves turn color, I just saw them on the ground and they were already brown. As far as I could tell the tree was always in full leaf. Next a whole much of little antenna like things started to grow, then they blossomed out. The next thing I was was teeny tiny avocados. Now they are almost full size. The tenacity of grass amazes me. It can look totally dead but give it a bit of water and it turns green again.

It is beautiful outside this morning and my heart and soul longs to take a walk in the desert, among the red rock and blue waters of Lake Powell. I want to stand high above the lake and watch the boats go by, sit and watch the crows soar and play on the breeze, feel the comfort and peace that is there for my heart and soul.

I got a call from the LA County Dr. on Friday, Sept 11. He wanted to ask me questions about the spasmodic dysphonia. I don't think he was familiar with the disorder or the treatment. He asked questions about botox dosage, how the shots affected my voice, what some of the medical notes meant. I answered all his questions and he said he would have to think about clearing me for the job. in about 5-10 mintues he called back with more questions. He asked me if I was aware of what the job entailed. I told him I had been a police, fire, 911, EMS dispatcher for 5 years in Arizona, that I had handled building fires, suicides and shootings. He still seemed unconvinced. I asked him if he had been able to clearly understand me during our phone conversations. He made the comment that he had had to ask me to repeat a couple of times. I told him that was OK because I had also had to ask him to repeat himself a few times, he was asian and had quite an accent. I told him if he was looking for someone with a pretty voice that was something I would never have. I asked him to please not reject me because of this because I knew I could do the job, I have done the job for 5 years and I am a darned good dispatcher. He said he would have to think about it and call me back. In about 5 minutes he called back and said he would clear me for the job. I was so relieved I was almost ill. I have been quite nervous. It seems like I have been fighting so long to get someone to let me dispatch that now it is almost here fear I oversold myself. Even though my voice is really doing quite well I think I will always be leary in any situation where I have to talk alot for prolonged periods of time. I hope I can get some speech therapy once I get some insurance.

I texted a bunch of people and told them the news and talked to Mom and Dad and Bill. I talked to Charlene that night. It was good to talk with her for a bit but she seemed either tired or distracted. I asked her how she thought my voice was doing and she said it was great. Then she said "It really frosts my butt that you can dispatch for LA County but you couldn't for Page PD." I miss her a lot.

Mom called me just a couple of days before I got the above mentioned phone call and wanted to know how I was doing. It was good to talk to her. Dad and Bill were out fishing so it was just me and her on the phone. It was nice to have her be able to hear and understand me and she didn't even have her hearing aids in. She told me to always remember they love me no matter what.

The weather has cooled off a bit the last couple of days - there is just a touch of fall in the air. I like it, now I just wish it would rain.

I am so frustrated with LA County - I don't know if I want to scream or cry. About a week and a half ago I got a letter from the requesting all the medical records relating to treatment for spasmodic dysphonia. I had a whole packet of papers Dr. Bansberg had given me when I had my injection in December so I faxed them all over. There had to be over 20 pages. Just today I get another letter asking for any notes from treatment from Sept. 10, 2008 until present. I had the injection in December and one more in March of this year. The records would read the same as most of the 20 pages I faxed in before. I called the phone number and, or course, got voice mail so I told the lady about the 2 treatments and that the records would read the same as all the previous ones and asked her to give me a call. I have no faith in her actually doing that as when I faxed in the other records I had asked her to call me if she needed anymore information, which she didn't do. Instead she sent me another letter which took another 6 days. I called Dr. Bansbergs office and asked them if they would fax the records over and sent them a fax with the information. I hope they follow through.

The foremost thought in my mind right now is that if I had never disclosed this on my medical app then I would more than likely be working now. I almost didn't disclose it, not intentionally, but just because I didn't think about it. If the lady at the desk hadn't give me my app back to fill in a couple of missing boxes it wouldn't have been on there. I debated about whether to put it on or not and decided it was best to be honest. Guess maybe my judgement was off there.