Monday, January 17, 2011

Into the Wild

This is the title of the book I am reading. Below is a short synopsis of the story.

In April 1992 a young man from a well-to-do family hitchhiked to Alaska and walked alone into the wilderness north of Mt. McKinley. His name was Christopher Johnson McCandless. He had given $25,000 in savings to charity, abandoned his car and most of his possessions, burned all the cash in his wallet, and invented a new life for himself. Four months later, his decomposed body was found by a moose hunter. How McCandless came to die is the unforgettable story of Into the Wild.

The author traces the last year or so of Chris McCandless' life, and other *treks* he had taken, through interviews with people who met him and his own journals. He also tells stories of other people who have undertaken similar journeys.

In some ways I feel a jealousy of these people who were willing, or able, to just head out into the wilderness with only what they can carry on their back and to experience life in it's most basic form. I long to see places few people have seen, go places that will challenge me both physically and emotionally. No one to answer to, no schedules to keep, free to go where you want and when you want. I know in reality I need a place to call home, I need stability, security, I need to know I am going to be able to pay next months bills. So - where does this longing come from? Is it my alter ego? I have hardly made conventional choices in my life so it really can't be rebellion against the conventional. Maybe just longing for a younger body and to still have those options over to me.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I was having a fairly decent day today. I kept busy all morning, did the Mobia - my best stats ever, did my resistance bands. Roasted a chicken and made brown rice for dinner so Lisa wouldn't have to fix dinner before she went to class tonite, cleaned up the kitchen, took the dog for a walk, took care of all of the animals needs, read a bit in my book, found the information Lisa needed to install Microsoft office on her computer. I felt good when I came in to work, upbeat, listening to tunes and inputting information into the computer. One of the other women in the office walked up and said "Is your voice ever going to get any better?" Kind of took me by surprise. I told her it was getting stronger, she said "And you are supposed to go back on the phones on Sunday?" I told her that was the plan if some of the deputies went off light duty. I told her I could feel an improvement in my voice. She said "Well, I don't see any." Now I feel tired, worn out, uncertain and wish it was time to go home and crawl into bed.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The New Year has started off cold here. I am ready for the warm weather again. I am not sure it seems so much colder her at 40 than it does in Hatch when it is below zero. We spent Thanksgiving in Hatch with my family and it was -24 the first morning we were there. We had a really good trip. We ate lots of good food, did a bit of shooting - I had never shot skeet before so was pleasantly surprised when I was able to bring a few down. The day after Thanksgiving we went out to cut Christmas trees. There was quite a bit of snow but it was a fun trip. The day before we were going to leave my sis in law said my brother was looking for an excuse to buy a new TV so I offered to buy his from him, he offered to give it to me and I agreed that was a price I could afford so we came home with a 42" flat screen TV. It is much nicer than the 19" traditional TV we have been using the last 2 years.

My voice is finally starting to get some volume back. I may still have to look into speech therapy but I have been pretty happy with it the last week or so. I was supposed to go back on the desk this week but there was an over abundance of deputies on light duty so I agreed to stay in records. At first the work there was mind numbingly boring but I have got so I don't mind doing it - maybe because I know it won't be forever. I just do my work and no one bothers me.

I have had a bit of trouble with depression since coming back from Thanksgiving. Part of it could be the menopause thing, I'm really not sure. Nothing I can't really deal with, just a bit more than I want to deal with. I am having a hard time getting motivated or finding much energy. One thing I have stayed faithful to is my exercise. One of my strategies for dealing with depression has always been to try and out run it. We bought a Nautilus Mobia and I get a really good workout on it. I have set some goals so I really push myself to reach, or exceed, them each time I work out. On the days I feel like I just can't do it I do it anyway and give myself a break with a lighter workout. I can read from my Sony Reader while I am on there so it helps the time go by fast. I have also started using my resistance bands and ab wheel again. I have been reading up on menopause and decided I needed to add some weights to my routine. Also, my older brother has had some real health problems this year and it has made me a bit more determined to take care of myself a bit better. I have done good keeping off the weight I lost while doing the HCG.