Thursday, May 21, 2009

I am going through a bicycling phase. I have ridden into Santa Paula twice in the last couple of weeks. It is close to a 20 mile round trip, maybe a bit less. The first time I went I really wasn't intending to go all the way. I thought I would just get on the road and see how far I could get and I got there. My 7 mile bike route isn't nearly as challenging as it was when I first started it. I am getting better at using my gears to be able to maintain a steady pedaling speed regardless of terrain. We try to get out with the kids at least once a week and all go for a bike ride. We should do it more often, we all really enjoy it. Lisa and I have set a goal of being able to enter a 5K race. We have only *trained* one day for it because she hasn't been feeling well this last week but we'll get there.

I think I am adjusting to having the kids here all the time. I still have aggravating days but I am getting better at letting things go, letting Jamie stomp around the house muttering to herself, trying to do a little less eye rolling when Jared cries over everything from not doing well on a computer game to the way Murphy meows at him. When I wake Jamie up in the morning and she give me that toothy grin, or I hear Jared singing in his room as he gets ready for school it really does give a bright start to my day.

A situation came up with someone Lisa considered a very good friend that has probably made me more sad than upset. This woman watches Jared after school several days a week and has even kept the kids so we could have an hour or two to ourselves. When Lisa mentioned having Jared invite her boy out to spend the night she told her she wouldn't allow that because of our relationship. One of my first thoughts was that I didn't even want her watching Jared anymore, I don't want him around someone who views his family as something wrong and bad, even though Jared seems to have a pretty level head about our relationship he still doesn't need to feel that from others. It made me a little angry to realize that this woman would be totally fine with her boy staying overnight with Jared if Brad and Lisa were still together, even though the household was totally dysfunctional and unhealthy and there was abuse going on on more than one level. It's a man and a woman together and that is how it should be. It makes me sad for Lisa too because I know she really trusted this person.

We have been going to church every week since we have the kids here. People have been really nice to us and I have actually enjoyed it on occasion. Jamie is having a really hard time and some Sundays cries a lot before we leave. She really misses her friends from the other ward. Jared seems to be doing OK with it all, he is even getting involved in Cub Scouts. We are going to go talk to the Bishop about our situation within the next couple of weeks. I really don't care how people are towards us, and I'm not concerned about any action he may take against us, I just want people to be good to the kids and let them be involved in things.

We have had an unexpected benefit from Brads recent health problems. Once his mother got into his finances we have received over $2000 in child support we never thought we would see. It still amazes me as to how all of this has worked out for us. Things have just been there, and happened, when we needed them. I really do feel very blessed and fortunate. I feel more content and at peace than I have for a very long time.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I've been here almost 4 months. Sometimes my other life seems so far away. It is starting to get hot and I am running out of projects. Today I thought I should start putting a quilt together again but I really don't have any place here I can do it and I can't feel comfortable spending money on batting and backing right now. I am beginning to get bored and am realizing I should have gotten a job somewhere, doing something, until my clearance was done. It would have occupied my time and also given us income. We work a catering gig once in awhile but not really enough to make much money.

Brad (Lisa's ex) has been in the hospital more than he has been out the last few weeks. Yesterday he had his left leg amputated below the knee due to complications from diabetes. We have had Jamie and Jared for . . . a long time now, I don't even know how long. It has been a challenge for me - I never really wanted kids and while I knew kids were involved in this deal I didn't realize it would be full time. There is so much about parenting I don't understand. I was totally unprepared for a life that is centered completely around children. I'm not sure if that makes me selfish, or just unaware. I suppose this is how it is in most families, I really don't know. I am trying to get better at it but I don't think it something I will ever excel at.