I have been thinking a lot about this topic recently. I seem to be a bit fearful of the expectations others might have of me. I think the biggest fear is that their expectations will be something I will not be able to meet.
Someone I was once very much in love with told me I should never have expectations in a relationship, it was OK to have hopes but never expectations. That was several years ago and I have never forgot it, and still don't know how to really think about it. I am not sure how to have a relationship without expectations. Then I go back and forth between expectations and needs. How closely are they related? Is there a difference? I guess to me a need would be something the relationship must have to survive, such as honesty, trust, loyalty, fidelity, communication. I think all of those things could also be considered expectations. I suppose there is a huge difference between expectations and unrealistic expectations. I believe the things I listed above are realistic expectations, as well as needs, while something such as . . . knowing where the other person is at all times would be an unrealistic expectation.
So, back to my opening paragraph. What is it about expectations that scares me so? I am honest, trustworthy, loyal, etc - at least I believe I am. Maybe its that my definition of a realistic expectation may be wildly different from someone elses definition. Or that I won't know what their expectations are, will not be able to meet them and therefore fail.
I am aware of my faults, at least some of them. I'm sure there are others who could point out many more - LOL. I don't consider myself an especially good communicator, I am not very verbal. I am sure part of that has to do with my voice disorder, sometimes it just isn't worth the effort to speak. However, I think I was that way even before the disorder. I don't feel like I have that many needs, not sure that would be considered a fault but I think it could be. Maybe it is just that I am not good at verbalizing them so I figure out a way to take care of them myself - do I, unfairly, expect others to be the same way? I don't let people in easily, and I sometimes hesitate to learn too much about others. The former is definitely a trust issue, I believe the latter is not that I don't care but a fear of caring too much. When I care for a person I will do all in my power to meet their needs and expectations. I hurt when they hurt, I think about them, I worry about them.
OK, I feel like I am starting to ramble here and have probably gotten away from the original intent of this post. I will continue to try to figure out why I fear expectations so much.
I Am Not Your Trigger
1 week ago