I've been here almost 4 months. Sometimes my other life seems so far away. It is starting to get hot and I am running out of projects. Today I thought I should start putting a quilt together again but I really don't have any place here I can do it and I can't feel comfortable spending money on batting and backing right now. I am beginning to get bored and am realizing I should have gotten a job somewhere, doing something, until my clearance was done. It would have occupied my time and also given us income. We work a catering gig once in awhile but not really enough to make much money.

Brad (Lisa's ex) has been in the hospital more than he has been out the last few weeks. Yesterday he had his left leg amputated below the knee due to complications from diabetes. We have had Jamie and Jared for . . . a long time now, I don't even know how long. It has been a challenge for me - I never really wanted kids and while I knew kids were involved in this deal I didn't realize it would be full time. There is so much about parenting I don't understand. I was totally unprepared for a life that is centered completely around children. I'm not sure if that makes me selfish, or just unaware. I suppose this is how it is in most families, I really don't know. I am trying to get better at it but I don't think it something I will ever excel at.