I took the polygraph last week - I am so glad to get that done. The examiner passed me and now it has to go through quality control for final approval. He said the only thing he could see was that my breathing was very measured. I know it is, I do that so I can maximize what voice I have. Not sure what the next step is. I know the people I put down as references have been getting a questionaire on me.

Today as I was mowing the lawn I was thinking about this whole situation and how strange it has been for me. There are times I get nervous about the job, hoping all goes well, hoping I can do it, hoping my voice will cooperate. Underneath it all there is just this feeling that all is going to be OK. It is very hard for me to trust it and I don't understand it at all.

I have changed my prayers from a few minutes on my knees to spending more time in a sort of meditation thinking of the things I am grateful for, saying the things I need assistance with, thinking of others who need help and then just spending some quiet time listening, not thinking of anything in particular. I have often drifted off to sleep by the end of it but I like doing it that way, In a way I feel it is more sincere than what I used to do.

We went to the beach yesterday and were looking in the tide pools. I saw this little multi-legged creature swimming around and, for just a moment, I wondered why I couldn't have been born as one of those. Not much thought process or brain power and probably a very short life span. Then I thought of how we consider being a human the ultimate form of life and if it really is