CA Trip

I just got back from a trip to California, I spent a few days with Lis. I enjoyed myself and my time with her immensely.

We bought Jamie a bike while I was there. She has been riding a scooter and it was stolen, she had another one but it was pretty wrecked. We gave her the choice of a new scooter or a bicycle and she chose the bicycle. We went to Wal-mart and let her pick out the one she wanted. I think she was a bit intimidated by it at first. She kept worrying that she was gonna fall or crash - "I a gonna crash . . ." She had never ridden a bike without training wheels and stopped riding when she got so big the training wheels collapsed. Her balance isn't that great so there was good reason for her concern. She wanted to show the bike to her dad and brothers so Lis agreed to help her ride it over to their house. Lis said she had to run to keep up with her. When they got home she practiced for quite awhile riding it around the back of the apartment complex. I was so proud of her for doing so well. She really took off on it.

We spent a day at the beach - that is always one of our favorite things to do. It was beautiful there, almost hot. We napped, read for a bit. I took a walk down the beach while Lisa napped, found a few shells and a couple of cool rocks. The beach is so peaceful to me. Later we walked into town and went to the health food store and the candy store. We didn't buy anything at the health food store, just the candy store - what a surprise! We then walked back to the beach and cooked some sea bass on the grill. It was a very good day.

We always exchange massages when we get together. I am a massage therapist and do massages out of my home. Lisa has never had any formal training but she does well and always manages to put me asleep on the table. It is good for both of us to get that kind of touch.

Just before I got there the county called and rescheduled Lisa's psychiatrist appointment. I was glad I was able to go with her. It was only the second time she had seen this Dr. The first time she wasn't too impressed with him cause he never looked at her and never asked her any questions. I am thinking she wish he had stuck to that. He asked lots of questions this time. Some she answered and some I answered. I think it helped him to get different perspectives on some things. I'm gonna leave this as it is and hope that she will post more about this visit if she feels inclined.

Random Thoughts

Lisa and I were having a discussion a couple of days ago about personal revelation and what part it should play in ones life. She asked if it was wrong to deny personal revelation. This is an interesting question and one that, as usual, leaves me with more questions than it does answers. In my church there are those who believe that once the prophet has spoken the thinking is done, then it is just a matter of obedience. I am not sure I can agree with that. Once you decide to start denying personal revelation where do you stop, where do you draw the line. If your personal revelation goes along with the church leaders counsel then you accept it but if it doesn't then you ignore it? If that is the case, what is the purpose of praying about anything in the first place? I do know obedience has it's place but why are we given personal revelation if we are not to use it to guide our lives? I suppose the opposite is true too, why have church leaders give counsel and instruction if we are not to follow it? Maybe it is like the conundrum of Adam and Eve in the Garden. Adam was determined to do all the things the Lord commanded him. The only catch was that to be able to multiply and replenish the earth he had to leave the garden of eden, he had to partake of the forbidden fruit. I believe the best a person can do is find a place of peace to live their life and do what they can to stay there. If you are constantly checking in with the Lord about where you are, and how you are doing, if you are really listening with an open heart and mind and you feel peace with your decisions and where you are I don't know what else you can do. I don't know what else you can be expected to do.

This life is hard, no doubt about it. I know people who seem to think we were sent to the earth to suffer, that we aren't guaranteed happiness in this life, that it is something that is to be endured. I don't believe that. It's true, we aren't ever guaranteed happiness, we have to make our own. I believe if you are unhappy you need to make some changes in your life. I don't think happiness is necessarily the same as easy and easy is not necessarily the same as simple. Some changes may be simple changes but it doesn't mean they will be easy to make. Some things in life are going to be hard but that doesn't mean they have to bring unhappiness. If we can't find happiness in this life I don't believe we will be magically blessed with it in the next life. Life is so much harder when you see yourself as the victim, when you see all around you through a glass of negativity.

I will be going to Northern Utah for my cousins funeral on Monday. He was only in his mid 40's when he died. At one time he had a very good paying job as an accountant for the government. Then he started to drink and just couldn't seem to stop. Years ago I probably would have been very judgemental towards him and his situation. Now - now I just feel sad that he didn't have a better life. I am sad that, when he seemed to be getting his life together. his life ended. I am sad for whatever situations in his life drove him to alcohol in the first place. I know he was a good man, the person he harmed most was himself. I hope he can have a season of peace now.

I think I probably could have summed all of this up by posting the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by LeeAnn Womack

I HOPE YOU DANCE

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes,
I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

An Instrument?

I was wondering yesterday if the Lord has ever worked through me - used me as an instrument to help others. I sometimes think maybe that has happened and then I think I am rather egotistical for even wondering it let alone seriously considering it.

Books

I love to read. I have for as long as I can remember. One of my favorite childhood memories is of mom reading to me before I lay down for my nap. I remember not wanting to start kindergarten because I knew there would be no more stories before nap time.

One of the reasons I love to read is because I can put myself in the story - I can imagine myself there. I have gone so many places through the books I have read, places real and places imagined. I have played quidditch and stolen through the halls of Hogwarts with Harry Potter. I have been on a quest to recover a ring with Frodo and ridden with Belgarion to save a kingdom. I have traveled back in time to the 18th century and the Scottish Uprising and met people I long to know in real life.

I like historical fiction, crime novels, comedy, mysteries, some romance if it has a worthwhile story to go with it. I like books that make me think about the people in the book after I am finished, I want to know more about them.

I love Vampire books. I read all the Ann Rice vampire books and have read all of the Stephanie Meyer vampire books and am just starting a series call the Nobel Dead. I picked the first book up at the library a couple of days ago and am having a hard time putting it down. I am hoping to get off work before the library closes tonight so I can see if they have the second book. If not I have already scoped it out on amazon.com

Going Home

When I sat down to do that last entry this is what I intended to write on. Not sure how I got off on the topic of same sex marriage.

My days off fell just right so I could go home for the July 24 celebration. I love going home. I feel such peace there and am always able to relax, recharge and remember I am loved. I grew up in a small town in southern Utah. When I say small, I am talking 100 people. I always tell people I had an ideal childhood. Lots of outdoor activities, camping, cookouts, deer hunts, fishing. We also learned to work since we lived on a farm of sorts. Learned how to garden and take care of animals. One thing my mom would never allow us girls to do is learn to milk a cow. She said if we did then we would be left to milk the cows while the guys went fishing - that was good enough reason for me. Man - I have so many childhood memories I could write here but maybe I will save those for another post.

We went over on Tuesday, July 22. That night we went fishing with my parents, my younger brother and 2 of his kids. We caught a few fish, gave them all to a boy scout troop from SLC that wasn't having much luck catching anything. We also taught them to fish, showed them what kind of tackle they needed, explained how to use it, etc. We stopped on the way home and had a hamburger. It was just a really nice evening, very relaxing.

The next day we went out to cut a load of wood and got stuck in the mud - I mean we really got stuck in the mud. A couple of guys come by with their big 4 X 4 and were gonna pull us out. Dad tried to tell them he didn't think they should try but they were convinced it would be a snap. They got stuck too. We did manage to get them pushed out before they got stuck too badly. It too us 90 minutes using come alongs to get out. We did get a good load of wood though.

The next day was July 24 and started off at 6:00 AM with some kind of big cannon type booms. At 7:00 was a pancake breakfast put on by the fire department followed by a parade at 10:00, races and all kinds of games and a dunking machine for the kids and horseshoe tournaments for the adults. I played in both the singles and doubles horse shoes, it was lots of fun. I missed having Lisa there as my partner this year, we actually did pretty well last year - especially since we entered mostly because she told me how good she was . . . then I found out she had only played once or twice in her life - LOL. We beat the braggart team of guys and that was better than the championship. Anyway, back to this year. at 6:00 was the pitt BBQ dinner. Pitt BBQ'd beef and pork, dutch oven potatoes, rolls, salad, cobbler and homemade rootbeer - all for $5.00. After dinner a bunch of the older folks sat around with guitars, banjo, accordian, etc and played songs for a sing along. Later that night there were fireworks. It was a really enjoyable day - probably the kind of celebration you can only have in smalltown USA. I had to be back to work at 2:00 on friday afternoon so we just got up and went home.

There are no words to express how much I love my mom and dad and how grateful I am to them for making home a place we all want to return to. Even the grandkids like to come back and bring their kids to stay for a few days. I know they had different hopes for me and my life than how it has turned out and the choices I have made but - there is no doubt in my mind that I am loved and I don't know what better gift they could give me.

Same Sex Marriage

As you might expect, I was pleased with the decision of the California supreme court to allow same sex marriage in that state. It opens up some good possibilities for us in the future.

I don't know if it is still as big a deal in the CA papers as it is in the UT papers or not. I read the SL Tribune and, occasionally, the Deseret News online. At least once or twice a week there is an opinion in one, or both, papers on the topic. I always read the article and most of the comments, at least as many of them as I can stomach. I don't know which are worse, the supposed Christians or those who hate the supposed Christians. Some of the things the Christians write are so obnoxiously moronic in their reasoning and so hateful it makes me almost be ashamed to call myself a Christian. Interestingly enough, it seems the gay people are most sensible and down to earth about it all. In almost every article that comes out someone asks for just one legitimate reason to deny same sex marriage without bringing religion into it. I don't think anyone has done that. There is always the argument that homosexuals can't reproduce, and the countering argument that they can cause many of them have kids and if that is going to be a criteria for denying marriage then older people and those who don't want, or can't have, kids should also be banned from marrying. Then there is the asinine argument that if you legalize same sex marriage then people will want to marry their dog or a mother, or father, will want to marry their daughter. Some are very sensible and consistent in their responses. The same ones always quote the same scriptures. They quote Leviticus, seeming to dismiss the fact that Leviticus also bans the eating of shellfish, the wearing of blended clothing, encourages the stoning to death of a child who disobeys . . . it's all just craziness. Today someone quoted the scripture about God giving us weakness, etc, etc, etc and a commenter said maybe the test wasn't necessarily for the homosexuals but for the heterosexuals to learn tolerance and love. I thought that was an interesting observation.

It makes me very sad that my church, along with others, are encouraging their members to vote for a constitutional amendment in CA to ban same sex marriage. They say the ban is pro family but I don't really understand how it can be when it is voting to deny rights to so many families. A ban on same sex marriage won't decrease the number of same sex families - it will just make it harder for them to get the rights and protection they need, and deserve. To me, that is anti-family. It puts a lot of families of gay people in a very tough situation.

One blog I read on the subject, the writer was invited to a gay wedding and asked his readers what they thought, should he go or not. Almost everyone of the staunchest *Christians* told him there was no way he should go. If he went he would be sending the message that he approved of what they were doing. He needed to stay away so they would know that he, and God, disapproved of their actions. Again, it makes me shake my head and makes be very sad at the things people will do in the name of God.

this illness

I have been wanting to post for some time now, but didn't want to be a downer to our blog. But, perhaps it's time now.

I have been having a hard time lately. Not sure there is much to write. I just want to to feel better again, totally better. I was given ativan to help with my anxiety and it is causing problems with my mood and sleep, ect. I am trying to come off of it, but its been very hard. I have anxiety all the time now. I have started excercising regularly to offset the constant anxiety, but that only works for a couple of hours. I know things will get easier again, but all this craziness has stirred up my life and my relationships and has brought on some darkness...oh, the darkness. Dont like to talk about, feel it, acknowledge it. Just want it gone, so I can feel me again.

Sometimes I think my life is so hard and I think i just cannot take another step. But, sometimes I am so grateful for the many things it gives me.

I know the peace and stability will come back, just have to get through this hard stuff for now and try and learn something from it.

I will be grateful for the light again.