this illness

I have been wanting to post for some time now, but didn't want to be a downer to our blog. But, perhaps it's time now.

I have been having a hard time lately. Not sure there is much to write. I just want to to feel better again, totally better. I was given ativan to help with my anxiety and it is causing problems with my mood and sleep, ect. I am trying to come off of it, but its been very hard. I have anxiety all the time now. I have started excercising regularly to offset the constant anxiety, but that only works for a couple of hours. I know things will get easier again, but all this craziness has stirred up my life and my relationships and has brought on some darkness...oh, the darkness. Dont like to talk about, feel it, acknowledge it. Just want it gone, so I can feel me again.

Sometimes I think my life is so hard and I think i just cannot take another step. But, sometimes I am so grateful for the many things it gives me.

I know the peace and stability will come back, just have to get through this hard stuff for now and try and learn something from it.

I will be grateful for the light again.