I had my meeting with the Bishop last night. He told me he had asked to meet with my because of my relationship with Lisa. He asked me the nature of our relationship and I told him I considered Lisa my spouse. He asked if we had a domestic partnership and I told him yes we did. He asked if any discplinary action had been taken against me by the church previously, I told him no. He said he would have to begin proceedings to do that and I told him I understood and had no problem with him doing that. I told him I understood I wasn't required to attend any council or proceedings that were held and that I probably wouldn't. As we talked more he told me who the council would consist of and that the purpose of it was to set goals and outline a program of repentance. I told him I had no plans to make any changes. I told him I was more at peace now than I had been in the last 15 years, he said that was good but implied that the relationship wasn't. I told him he could think what he would but that I had been blessed more in the last 18 months than I ever had been before. I told him we survived 8 months with neither of us working and there is no way we should have. I told him the fact that I was even able to have a conversation with him was a blessing because a year ago my voice was such that I could hardly talk. I told him he could attribute the blessings to whatever he wanted but I chose to attribute them to the Lord working in my life. He didn't have much to say about that. He told me would still be welcome in church and hoped we would continue to come. He said on Sundays he sats up on the stand and watches us with the kids and is amazed that we are there, that we are smiling and happy and enjoy being there, and that was good because that is where we should be. I guess in some ways that confuses me because in one breath he is telling me the relationship can't be good and in the next he is telling me he can tell we are happy, but I just let that slide.
Anyway, he is going to get with the Stake President and start proceedings. We agreed there would be no reason I should have to be there. He made it clear that he didn't know what action would be taken but the most severe would be excommunication.
On the Christianity of White People
3 years ago
11 comments:
I completely admire your courage. It sounds like the meeting went as well as could be hoped. Good for you for knowing your own mind before going in, and then for sticking with it instead of being swayed by the bishop's attitude.
Tell me, please, how do you manage to attend church, happily even, knowing that you disagree so fundamentally with one of the strongest messages you hear while there?
How do you think you'll deal with attendance if/once you've been told you can't hold callings or take the sacrament, or even pray in public? That's the one that did me in this past year, to tell the truth. Once I didn't have a calling anymore (though I still don't understand why they'd think I'd be teaching my "evil ways" to my 4-year-old Primary kids), I felt very conspicuous. Okay, plus I dislike attending Gospel Doctrine and R.S., so not being in Primary was a trial. The sacrament question the bishop eventually left up to me, but we all know it's pretty obvious when you don't take it. Praying... I hadn't faced that yet, since no actual discipline had been taken by the time I stopped going. In fact, I admit that I'm consciously choosing inactivity over activity + church discipline. Anyway, I would really like to know how you are dealing with all that, if you don't mind sharing.
I have been trying to think how to answer your questions. I guess maybe it's that when I go to church now I go for me. I go because that is where I want to be. I don't go out of a sense of duty or guilt. If I'm not working on Sunday and I feel like going I go, if I don't I don't. The only exception to this is if we have the kids for the weekend. If we have the kids we almost always attend church.
I used to always joke that the only calling I ever wanted in church was to be a member of the congregation. I decided on my own a year ago to no longer take the sacrament. I don't like to speak in public so I don't mind not being able to pray in meetings.
It is kind of nice to sit in church and not have the feeling of "if these people really knew me they wouldn't like me." I don't know if I have answered your questions and, if I really think about it, I am not 100% sure how I got to where I am - but I think I like it here.
Thanks for your responses to my questions. I think the key is probably that you go for yourself. It sounds like a very healthy approach to church attendance.
Jay - It sounds like you've arrived at a place very similar to my own.
Like you, I feel incredibly blessed, and some of the greatest blessings in my life have come in the last two to three years. I feel the Spirit every day, and feel comforted and affirmed by the Lord, and that's the greatest blessing of all.
Like you, I go to Church for me. I do get fed by the Spirit at Church. In many ways, I feel like I've received a superabundance of spiritual gifts and blessings to make up for the lack of external validation from the Church.
On occasion I've felt very sad about not being able to give priesthood blessings, take the sacrament, bear my testimony, etc. When I feel sad about that, I have prayed and have received powerful affirmations and blessings from the Spirit. So ultimately it has not bothered me that I am not able to participate as fully as other members. On occasion, I have asked for and received priesthood blessings from my father and from my bishop, and those have been among the most powerful spiritual experiences I've had.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as your excommunication approaches. Please keep us posted (or keep me posted) so I will know when and what to pray for.
I hope that you will continue to stay as active as possible even after the excommunication, partly because I believe you will find that you will be far more blessed than you possibly can imagine if you do.
I just found your blog. I'm sorry that this is happening right now, especially when I read how happy you have been the last 18 months. I hope that these events don't detract from the peace that you have found.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you and I'll be following your blog on a regular basis.
I am 23, and just in the process of realizing who I am. Once I left home at age 18, I didn't return to the LDS church. I never felt comfortable there or had a strong belief in what I was being taught. However, I think I still hold onto many of the principles I was taught. Getting over the fear that I am sinning and that God will dissapprove of me, or that this is a test of temptation that I am failing, is seemingly impossible. I want to feel love and be able to just be me, but how do I get over the guilt, fear, and shame of doing so? How do you walk into church and hold your head up high? How did you deal with the possibility of your parent's rejection and about hurting them due to them believing that you will no longer be a part of the eternal family? What is the secret to feeling ok?
Thanks for everyones comments and support. ? I will be addressing your comments tomorrow as I need to give some thought to your questions before I put things into words.
Telling my parents was probably one of the hardest things I had done. I agonized over it for a long time. One day I just knew it was time. They listened to what I had to say. When it was all over they told me they loved me, my Dad hugged me and told me to just do the best I could do. My Mom struggled alot with one particular decision I made. She told me later she had prayed about it the the Lord told her she didn't need to worry about me and when she did He would let her know. I know it wasn't easy for any my family but I have never felt judgement from any of them. Only love. I guess what it came down to was that I just had to trust my families love for me. As far as being a part of the eternal family goes - I just trust that God will make all things right. He knows me, He knows my heart, He wants me to be happy now as well as for all eternity.
I went through a period of self loathing, guilt, wondering how God could ever love someone like me. I don't really know that there was one turning point when I didn't feel that anymore. I guess it was more of a process of realizing, and really believing, that I am a good person no matter who I love. I have had some really good friends who have helped with this. I have had some rejections too, some people I have had to let go of - and that hurts. I have people in my life that love and support me, that doesn't mean they agree with everything I do but they do love me unconditionally.
I can walk into church with my head held high because I am a daughter of God and He loves me as much as he loves anyone else in the building. I have as much right to be there as anyone, especially those who may be judging me and the life I choose.
I write all of this in a few paragraphs but it has taken me over 15 years, many sleepless nights and thousands of tear drops to get here. People I love with all of my heart have been hurt - but those who really loved me still do and they can see that I am happy. I am living within my integrity and I believe they can sense that.
Thank you so much for writing a response, it brought a few tears to my eyes. You said it all with such conviction, that it brings a lot of hope with it. 15 years though...I hope it doesn't take that long. This is so hard. There are so many traditional Christain gay perspectives, but a lesbain Mormon perspective has been hard to find. The traditional Christian perpective just doesn't seem to suffice in a situation such as this. Thank you for sharing your story.
I firmly believe you will find the path that is right for you. When you find that path you have to hold onto it. That can be tough if it is a path that is way different from what you pictured for yourself or what others think you should follow. Find the peace in your heart and follow it.
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