Church Council and Stuff

A week or so ago the Elders Quorum President hand delivered a letter to both Lisa and me telling us the church would be holding a council on January 14 for "conduct unbecoming a member". The Bishop talked to both of us on Sunday and asked permission to use his discussions with each of us at the council, which we gave. I don't know the outcome, I am assuming there will be another hand delivered letter or maybe one by certified mail.

We are in the final stages of getting the loan approval for the townhouse. We have been hoarding every little bit of cash we get so we will have the required amount for the downpayment. After my last pay check we were about $1,500 short of the required amount. When we got the final loan application to sign yesterday they had taken $1,600 off the total, I guess we don't need mortgage insurance with a 20% down payment. Just another one of the many small miracles that have been a part of this whole deal from the beginning. I should be used to them by now but each one still fills me with amazement at how we are being watched over and taken care of. I have heard people testify that their heart was overflowing with gratitude and I would wonder what that felt like. I am happy to say that I now know what they mean. This has been an amazing year for me.

I sometimes feel guilty that I have found such peace and happiness in this life I have chosen to build. I wonder what things I am doing now that I didn't do in my previous life and if I can do them now why couldn't I do them then. When I talk to Mom on the phone she tells me how good I sound, she can even understand me when I talk. Between my voice and her age and being hard of hearing that, in itself, is a small miracle.

All of this doesn't mean I still don't have my rough spots - I do. Every day isn't sunshine and roses but underlying it all is this sense that all is well, that things are right, that I am headed in the right direction. While I am enjoying this feeling I am also a bit leery of it. I have never been one to feel promptings, of any kind, clearly. I guess a part of me still wonders why, if my life is so wrong, so against Gods will, have I been blessed so much? Why do I feel the peace I do? Is there such a thing false peace, and if there is would it last this long? I am trying really hard not to second guess it but to trust what I feel inside.