The Verdict

As Lisa stated in her post - the decision was made to excommunicate us. I have given this a lot of thought in the last few weeks, wondering what it would mean to me and how it would affect my life, my outlook, my thoughts and actions. I guess the conclusion I have come to is that my relationship with the Lord is still up to me. I will only get out of it what I put into it. If I am willing to work hard to maintain a relationship I can't imagine He would turn his back on me. Years ago I had a friend who was excommunicated and I remember him telling me he could feel the Holy Ghost leave him when it happened. I haven't felt that. The Church didn't *give* me my relationship with God so I am not sure how they can take it away. I can't deny that we have been incredibly blessed this last year and, no matter what anyone else may think, I choose to attribute those blessings to the Lord working in my life.

I remember reading a book a few years ago about a particular tribe. If someone did something horrendous enough they were banished. This was the worst thing that could happen to a member because banishment meant certain death, once banished from the tribe the member always died. There was one member who had been adopted into the tribe, as the story progressed she fell out of favor with the leader and was banished. She was terrified of the impending death she had been told would follow - only it didn't. She lived and survived on her own until she found another tribe willing to take her in. She realized the reason death was a certainty was because the person being banished believed it was, they believed it so strongly they gave up. I am not going to give up. In some ways believing I can still have the spirit in my life and have a good relationship with God takes as much faith as anything I have ever done because I have always been told that couldn't happen to someone in my position. I feel no differently now than I did last week before the decision. As I was outside grilling steaks this evening I tried to find the words to tell the Lord how grateful I am for the peace and contentment I feel in my life right now - it is such that a mere "Thank you" seems very inadequate.